Trying to try

The Body says: well, I want to be a Christian. She doesn't say: Thank God, I'm a Christian, because in fact she isn't one and she knows she isn't. Steady faith is just a dream she has. The point is she's going to try, keep trying, to get herself aligned with what she dreams, but she's not going to assume she's succeeded. She can't take that risk. Assumptions of blessedness are for someone else, someone better. she doesn't have time for them, because all her time is taken up with trying to achieve a valid faith and maybe not doing all that well.