Tuesday, August 31, 2004

Dave crosses the threshhold into September

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Most threshholds you can't even feel -- take the equator, you feel the same on either side. Long term something definitely changes, with a small fruit on top that signifies your eventual or sudden awareness that something has changed. There is not an objective "moment" of change, because change always includes subjectivity either within it or wrapped around it. There is a quasi-physical occurrence, and then there is the awareness of it. One of them may be sudden while the other takes centuries. Sometimes awareness is so quick that it comes like lightning before the "physical" thing it is aware of has even quite happened. Sometimes the other way around -- a split-second change wrapped in long years of response.

Take being well, being ill. A well person stops to ask himself how he feels and discovers he is ill. Too bad! And at the same moment an ill person, a person who has been ill for years, recovers and heals but the healing is not instantaneous. The crossing over is so subtle, so gradual. You cannot analyze this, you can only stand in it -- on one side or the other.

I would rather *be* well than *feel* well any day. Awareness is wonderful but what I really want is what it is aware of.

Idle thoughts? As my thoughts continue and give way to each other, suddenly, imperceptibly, August becomes September. But those who were ill in August are probably not suddenly well in September. God has tons of patience, and even the hour hand on a watch moves in a feverish hurry by comparison to this patience. I believe I will be well the day (or decade) when I am able to accept God's concept of time and live within it obediently. Things just don't move quickly -- except in those terrible "moments" when they do. And those tend to be "moments" that last forever.

What a ridiculously ornate way this is of saying that September will continue August's theme of "getting well". Speaking for myself, I have more recovery to do and maybe a little more time to do it in. How about you?

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