Story: The ex-con (Part 1)

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There was an ex-con in the church membership. Only a few people in the congregation, a very few, knew about the man's past in prison. Father Sam had been one of the few to know and he hadn't discussed it with anyone else. Nevertheless, when the man looked around at the other members he always had the feeling that they knew. And this was maybe just part of the man, part of his nature, part of what your nature becomes when you've been through that. On the other hand, maybe they did all somehow know.

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During a desperate part of his first marriage, he had embezzled money from his employer, someone he loved, someone who trusted him. There had been an illness and absence on his part, then a check of the books, and then there had been the prison time. That was a time for abuse and reflection. That was a time when one tried to look at what happened from a distance and realized that any distance was unreal, unsustainable. Because I did do those things. They happened. What I am now is the effect of a cause I don't dare try to shake off. the story is about me, I am not just watching it. You are the man.

For anyone who has this kind of experience, what happens next is very strange: suddenly every story is about you, you hear yourself in them. The paragraphs point at you. You don't like at all what you hear but this "don't like" is very important because it is the key to your recovery.

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The ex-con's name was Dave but not many people called him by his name. That was the kind of person he was. If you needed his help and he was standing in the next room you didn't call him, although he would have come. He would have come but this was never tested. He just wasn't a person you would call.

If he had wanted to be called, that would have had to be one of those wants and desires to be given up like a Lenten sweet. Because a person calls only what is somehow already his own, what somehow belongs to him. But if darkness surrounds you, you do not try to call it, unless you are already so fully in it that the darkness is all there is to call.

[END OF PART 1]

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