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To know bereavement intimately, first there is the need to have. First you have. That way you come to know what withdrawal means.
Elf could no longer go to church -- to any church -- because her mother was there. It was a mother of many other things besides herself. She could not go near.
She wandered her own city, a lost thing. Although there were other church doors, the fact is that faith is not so promiscuous as that == because there is a kind of promiscuity involved in swinging through different doors, cruising for your faith, given that membership is so much like marriage. So she swung around outside the doors and dreamed her dreams.
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In one dream, Esau ran forward to his brother and embraced him. Esau then ran forward. In her dream he moved as from right to left -- like Hebrew.
In her dream he fell upon his brother's neck and kissed him and wept. A family restored, although broken.
In her dream the hairy man rushed up to kiss the one with the wounded thigh.
Israel tried to run but was unsupported in the thigh, weak, with a thigh touched from above. Open and wounded. Through that partition Elf entered the dream. Through the wound.
I have no one kissing me.
Israel's thigh was wounded and he could not run.
I can run but don't know where to run to. Only from, of course.
In the dream the other one rushed forward and the hair on his shoulder blades preened like feathers. Israel could barely stand but was supported. What did this dream signify?
In her dream the brothers embraced. Oil ran down the beard. In her dream God hovered, strangely present and pushing against her.
She woke up and sensed God's presence. But without a church she had no way to express it. And since she couldn't express it, it felt less real. Only the running felt real.
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