Friday, March 25, 2005

The Eucharist repeated (Part 1)

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At Elfs covenant class, veteran members taught her the rudiments of faith but also and most of all they taught her that she was worth teaching. And this was a lesson that embossed itself on one's heart, on anyone's heart. Am I worthy of learning this? The members treated her with courtesy, with respect, with a certain subdued something that she decided was love.

And after a certain number of weeks, the group took a breath and seemed to agree that it was time. Prayer occurred, a meal, fellowship. She walked through an ancient forest with Elise, confessing how low and broken she felt. We know that, Elise said. Then there was an awful time of hesitation, a cleared throat of minutes and days, and Elf became the Christian that she already imperceptibly was. She no longer needed to cross her arms at the altar. The Eucharists began and then began to be repeated.

Father Sam, oh Father Sam (she wrote), I am the same thoughtless idiot as I was before, and yet now I am sealed. As if protected. Boosted. And somehow exhilarated, almost as if without a cause and this is so disconcerting.

Father Sam (she wrote), I am afraid -- that I might be a hypocrite and fooling everyone.

END OF PART 1

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